Built up

Hey there, World!

Well, I would like to take out some emotions for today... if you guys don't mind.

My mother has been feeling unwell lately. She has been feeling weak for a while now and because of that I got a little worried. I told my cousin-niece that we can't visit her during Holy Week. It seemed that it disappointed her and I felt really bad. After a few days I aided my mother in anything that she needs me to do. Though sometimes her orders pile up and she won't wait me to finish my first task before giving me another order. But I endured it because she is mother.

My "time of the month" is near and I have been quite irritable. Which makes enduring my mother's piling up orders a bit hard. When I get irritated a feel something squiggle around on my temple... maybe its a nerve that's gonna pop through my skin. I just kept quiet and calmed myself with some games.

Today I just let out a bit of frustration. I was cooking fish while I was doing something else. I forgot about the fish and one side of it got burnt. To think that it's my mother's dinner. I knew that it made her mood go down so I felt a bit frustrated. Next, my father was doing laundry. It's night so he would need the light... but I accidentally turned it off and he got a little annoyed which made me more frustrated. And lastly, I was helping my mother to read her medicine and to see if her meds are for morning, afternoon, or night. She told me to read only the front page of her prescription. She said that for like a couple of times. I took out one med that's for night out from its packaging foil... almost took out one that's for afternoon... though I said that the afternoon is "hapon" but she argued that it's "tanghali." I gotten used to saying "hapon" as afternoon... so my frustration added.

Then she asked me for one more med to read. I accidentally looked at the back for a second and she suddenly raised her voice saying, "Hindi, ang sabi ko sa harap mo lang babasahin kasi na andyan yung nabili ko." Meaning, she told me to read only the front because she bought those meds at the front. I interrupted her to say that the last med is for morning because I was at my limit. I went to the bathroom to let my tears flow. I didn't came back for a while until I calmed down and ate dinner then washed up.

I was probably building up the bad feelings that I felt before without realizing it. Being a quiet person can be quite dangerous because if you keep things to yourself, you might just self-destruct. I try to voice out to anybody what I feel. To a friend, brother, sister, significant other, anybody who is close to you. Anybody who understands you. After talking to them you'll feel better. Expressing yourself through your hobbies or passions helps too, like what I am doing right now.

I hope you enjoyed reading, and I'll write again soon. :)